Soaked in Bleach

So I just watched this movie and I have feelings about it. If you’ve seen it, I would love to hear your thoughts on it as well.

It Started Out A Good Day

So my cousin had her second baby yesterday. Technically it was yesterday since it’s after midnight. He came almost 3 weeks early. He doesn’t have a name yet so I’m calling him Lil Smoosh, and even after he gets a name I might still call him that for a while until he’s not so smooshy.

Anyway, considering the fact that he arrived early, he was a good weight (8lbs, 13oz) and didn’t look like he had any jaundice like his big brother did at birth. Of course GusGus also had potential cardiac issues, so we were all on high alert. This time around, there was no drama. No need for a heart specialist to be called in, no trips to the NICU for Lil Smoosh.

I got to meet him the day he was born, which is pretty incredible. Props to his mama for not minding visitors. We didn’t stay for too long. It was a big day, after all, and she was pretty exhausted. Not to mention, she wants to spend time cuddling her baby. Totally fair. If it was me, I probably wouldn’t let anyone come and visit for like the first week. She’s a lot nicer than I am, obviously.

PSA on Projection

Who here knows about projection in a psychological sense? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? Okay, well, if you don’t, you can read all about it in this article. If you don’t want to click the link then I’ll break it down for you. Basically, projection is when you put your feelings on someone else and try to make it seem like they feel that way. It’s a defense mechanism. You’ve definitely seen it in TV shows before. Projection is not terribly uncommon, and I’m sure at some point, most people are guilty of doing it. For some people, it’s a subconscious thing that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. For others, it’s more habitual and something they do on the regular.

So why are we talking about projection today? Excellent question! It’s a long story, so fasten your seatbelts or turn back now.

*sigh*

Hope y’all are having a better night than I am. ❤️

Daughter of an Addict

So my sister Katy shared this with me today. I completely understand all of this. If anyone else is living with a parent who is an addict, you’ll understand this too. While it doesn’t change the situation I’m living with, it helps to know that it’s not just me. It’s not just you either.

 

The Hardest Week

So I haven’t written about this here. Truth be told, I forget about this blog unless I have something I need to vent about. Today that something is the suckfest that this week is for me. See today is my Uncle’s birthday. Sounds happy, right? Except on April 8, 2002 he died of a massive stroke. I’m in the mood to purge, loves, so if you don’t want to visit my grief buffet I completely understand. For that reason, I’ll put a cut in.

Tempting as it is to just give the highlights, there’s so much more to it than that. We’ll see if I can get through this without sobbing all over my laptop. My money’s on nope.

Domestic Abuse Is Not Okay

So I want to preface this by saying that I generally love P!nk. I love her sass and her take no shit attitude. She’s a strong woman, not just physically but in other ways. I admire her honesty and the fact that she does what she can to keep it real. She doesn’t come across as the type to make excuses. It’s been publicized and she’s been somewhat open about the fact that her marriage isn’t perfect, nor has it been easygoing with her husband. I admire her for not shying away from it when so many other celebrities spend thousands of dollars on spin doctors to maintain a certain image.

All that said, I found this disturbing…

I feel like this is important and people are laughing it off. The truth is, it’s not funny. Destruction of a person’s property because you’re stressed or having a bad day is not acceptable. P!nk prides herself on being a feminist. Well, that’s supposed to mean equality between genders. That means when women behave in abusive ways, they get called out for it.

At first she says that it wasn’t that long ago this happened. I suppose that’s a subjective way to put it because she then went on to tweet that it happened in 2003. Fifteen years is pretty long ago. She has many fans who weren’t even born yet at that time it happened. It matters because now she’s married to the man who’s property she destroyed and had children with him.

I sincerely hope this isn’t behavior that is still going on.

I really hope that if it is, their children don’t witness it.

The fact that she’s laughing about it rubs me the wrong way. Yeah, sure, we all do dumb things we wish we hadn’t. She doesn’t seem to be too upset or remorseful about this. Maybe she’s not. I just can’t help but feel like if the shoe was on the other foot there would be a mob of angry women demanding her husband be arrested, that P!nk file for divorce, and that he never be allowed near their children.

And yes, obviously women are more likely to be the victims of domestic violence. I am very well aware of that. That said, it doesn’t mean it’s okay to let it slide when women are guilty of the same things we tell men it’s not okay to do.

If some dude slashed my tires because he was stressed out, I would run like hell. That is not someone I would be willing to work things out with. To me that is a massive red flag. Domestic abusers don’t generally get better; they get worse.

I made the mistake of being honest on Instagram and saying that I didn’t think this anecdote was funny or cute. Here’s what I got back:

The double standard needs to go away that it’s okay for women to act all crazy and men should just be okay with that. I can’t tell you how many memes I’ve read that joke about how if a man’s not scared, she’s not the one. What the hell kind of toxic, fucked up ideology is that to aspire to? If you’re afraid of your partner, that’s definitely not the right one.

Believe me, I understand that no relationship is perfect. Couples go through ups and downs, and I agree that too many people give up too easily when things get hard. One of my favorite P!nk lyrics is: “Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face.” I GET IT.

There’s a big difference between thinking about doing something and actually following through. I hope no one looks at this clip and thinks that since P!nk did it, they should do it, too. Whether she asked for it or not, she’s a role model to a lot of young women. I would hope that fifteen years later she would go on the record as saying that this is not an okay way to treat someone, but it’s especially not okay to do this to someone you love.

That’s not love.

If you or someone you know/love is in a relationship where they are at risk for domestic violence, go here for help or call 1-800-799-7233.

Edit: This incident happened in 2003, which I consider to be more than “not that long ago”, and Carey was drunk at the time. He was trying to leave and P!nk didn’t want him to drive while intoxicated. That changes the landscape of the story and were important details that were left out. Context matters. My opinion was formed based on the video and I stand by it. 🤷‍♀️

Ragdoll

My sister is coming into town in just over a week from Germany. I’m super excited to be seeing her again so soon. After so many years of her not coming back to the US for visits, it’s nice to see her twice a year. She’s changed so much, and mostly for the better. It’s taken a lot of therapy time and uncomfortable dialogues with herself to reach the point she has. Anxiety is something I think just about everyone has to deal with at some point in their life. I suppose whether or not a person chooses to actually deal with it is up to them.

I know that growing up, anxiety wasn’t something she or I were able to express in a healthy way. Having an alcoholic parent means that you quickly learn how to hide or bottle your emotions, so as not to upset the addict. Anxiety was a surefire way to get our mother to drink more. That meant we weren’t able to show our emotions around her. Neither my sister or I wanted to be the cause of our mother’s drinking. As adults we now know that no matter what we did, our mom was going to drink.

Even today it’s like that. Our actions are not to blame for her decision to drink. Logically we both know this. Getting your mind to actually accept that can be easier said than done.

Saturday Night Inspiration

I was just scrolling back through my posts on Instagram because it’s fun to do that sometimes. I came across a post from November 9, 2016. Or as I sometimes think of it, Orange Wednesday. #wompwomp

That post was an image of the Maya Angelou poem And Still I Rise. It isn’t as if I forgot about that poem between then and now, but seeing it made me remember how inspiring that particular piece was for me. So for anyone who is looking for a little encouragement or just needs to feel a little push in their soul, maybe this video will help you find what you’re looking for.

I hope you enjoy.

This Got Me In All the Feels

Thanks to Sophia Bush’s Instagram stories I just watched a video that depicts a young child who was separated from his parents at the border, attending an immigration hearing in Portland without legal representation or really anyone to explain to him what is going on. I would love to embed the video but that is not an option so if you would like to see it, please click here.

Now I’m not a parent, but there is a little boy in my life whom I love very, very much. Like I would happily give this kid a kidney, a lung, a piece of my liver, bone marrow, blood, plasma, anything I was a match to give him I would if he needed it. I adore this precious little boy and it absolutely breaks my heart to think of him being in a courtroom, separated from his mother and everything he knows with strangers speaking a foreign language he doesn’t understand. Imagine having these decisions being made about your life and you have absolutely no right and no say in anything that is happening.

His parents came here legally, seeking asylum and now they’re going to be detained indefinitely while Betsy DeVos makes money on it. Bethany Christian Services is one of the places where children are being sent from detention centers at the border. The unconfirmed figure they’re charging is $700/night/kid. Let that sink in, folks. Don’t tell me this isn’t about money or a get rich quick scheme. The people in charge here are vile, greedy souls and there is absolutely nothing remotely human or Christian about any one of them.

For the record, Bethany Christian Services has denounced this separation policy, citing it as abusive. Of course that’s not stopping them from collecting the outrageous fees they’re charging to house these children.

I don’t understand this. I don’t understand how people have become so uncaring and lack so much empathy. I don’t understand how they can see videos like the one I linked here and think that kid deserves what’s happening. I don’t understand how people can still vote for someone like Donald Trump, and these days, anyone running on the Republican side of things. I don’t understand being so hateful of complete strangers who only want to come here to be productive citizens and build better lives. Considering the vast majority of us are here now because of immigration, I think it would do everyone some good to stop and think about the circumstances under which their ancestors fled wherever they came from. Odds were, it wasn’t because they didn’t like paying taxes to the king of England.

The idea that these people could be detained for the rest of their lives, left in this awful purgatory, simply because they wanted a shot at having a better life is horrific to me.

And I don’t understand.

I don’t understand anyone who claims to be “pro-life” but supports treating people like animals. I don’t understand anyone who claims to be “pro-life” but would deny fellow human beings the opportunity to enjoy the same liberty and freedom as them simply because those people didn’t have the good luck to be born here.

Be better than that, y’all.

The world doesn’t need more hate.

I hope that by this time next year we will see children reunited with their families and that this regime of assholes will either be booted out of office thanks to the elections in November or they’ll be in prison for acts of treason.

Election day is November 6th. It’s not too late to register to vote. Make your voice heard. Show up at the polls. It’s so so important that everyone does their part so that things like this don’t happen. Politics aren’t fun but goddamn, is it important to know what’s happening in the world around you. Because today it might not be you they’re coming after but eventually, if they go unchecked long enough, it will be.

God save America.

We need it.